


Four

by SanieBrainie



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Writing, Choi San has OCD, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Mars, OCD, Oneshot, Panic Attacks, Seonghwa is a mom, are they dating or friends, idk im indecisive, lowkey, vocal coach is utter trash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26701432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SanieBrainie/pseuds/SanieBrainie
Summary: Choi San has struggled with OCD starting from when he was just a kid, so it was thought to be common knowledge that those that work close to him know his triggers. San was wrong and Seonghwa comes to the rescue.
Relationships: Choi San & Park Seonghwa
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	Four

**Author's Note:**

> tw//for panic attacks and OCD superstition symptoms 
> 
> this is my first work on this site so I hope i do OCD and this story justice. If i make mistakes with the OCD representation/in general PLEASE CORRECT ME! i wanna learn and get better, TY FOR READING MY TRASH WRITING OK BYE

San was exhausted to say the least- he had just finished his dance lesson for the cleaning of Wonderland and now had a vocal lesson. As he hurried to review his lines for the Dazzing light he couldn't help but feel a little behind. It wasn't an unusual feeling for him but today the thoughts bouncing around his head were louder and faster. Although he had been dealing with intrusive thoughts all his life, there were days like today where there was nothing he could do but hold on to reality as firmly as he could. Besides, all he had left in his schedule was this vocal lesson, he could and would get through it.

Checking the time San felt a little relief from the thoughts running rampant in his head, it was exactly 10 minutes before his lesson, just as he liked it. He entered the practice room, confused when he saw a stranger sitting in the usual vocal coach's seat. At the sound of the door creaking the man seated looked up. He smiled wide.

"Ah you must be San correct?" The man continued after a nod from San, "Well your instructor was feeling sick today and so I was called as a replacement. I bet you don't recognize me huh."

San read his face and slowly shook his head, "Sorry I don't, my apologizes."

The instructor let out a bellowing laugh that left the hair on San's arms standing up, "Ah well not most remember me, I used to be a singer as well but i wasn't famous like you guys, you guys drew the longest stick didn't ya?"

San awkwardly laughed, slowly taking a seat, "Yeah we are pretty lucky... uh, I usually warm up before the instructor comes so i don't know if you want to uh-"

"Ah don't worry, I'm here for a reason aren't I," The instructor sat down across from San, placing his hands on the piano. 

San reached towards the ground to take a quick swig of his water bottle before realizing he left his backpack in the dance studio, only taking his lyrics with him in a hurry to get here on time. San sighed, quickly covering his mouth when he remembered he was in the presence of an elder. 

"I bet your tired aren't ya? How about we start off with a couple scales to get you warmed up." 

San nodded and for a while he forgot he was having a bad day, singing did that to him. It was his break from his reality, a way to relax and just breathe. That was 

Until the fourth note.

"Okay now instead of going up 5 notes, can you go up until the fourth note?"

The fourth note.

San felt the first small seed of panic enter his stomach, twisting it in ways seemingly impossible. 

"I- I am very sorry but I actually have OCD and the number four is a trigger and so I would like to- to quickly move on."

The instructor titled his head, and pressed down on the fourth key again, "What do you mean, its just a note? Don't be dramatic."

San felt the panic starting to rise, going up to his chest. 

_He pushed it. He pushed it. The fourth note, the forth key, you made a mistake trusting him. Oh god they are gonna die. He pressed the fourth key, you don't even have your notebook to tally, their gonna die. Its all your fault you should have stopped him._

San tried to tell him, his breathing coming out irregular, "You - can't, they- they"

The instructor frowned, "What are you doing, we haven't even started the lesson yet. Shut up about this stupid fourth-"

The last four was all it took for San to sprint through the door into the hallway. _They are gonna die they are gonna die backpack notebook tally tally tally tally._ He had to find his notebook, he was a fool to not take it with him. _He said four. Oh god he said it._

The practice room was empty when he reached it, the sound of his heart and breathing filled the emptiness with something a lot more terrifying. His hands shook as he opened up his notebook and grabbed his pen. 

_**| | | |** _

"Four, four, four, four"

San felt a wave wash over him, relief drenching his bones as he finally let his tears fall. He did it. _He saved them._ He listened to his heartbeat slow down. His fingers, still shaking, grabbed the side of his head as he tried to focus on breathing.

"SAN"

San looked up, seeing an out of breath Seonghwa at the doorway.

Seonghwa took no time to sit next to San and put San's hand over his chest. "Just breathe with me, that's all i want you to do. Focus on me." San closed his eyes focusing only on matching Seonghwa's deep breaths.

When he finally could breathe on his own, San hugged Seonghwa, curling into him.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Seonghwa started softly, petting San's hair. It was a few moments later when San finally replied, 

"He... I told him my trigger and he didn't believe me, and he kept... he just kept doing it." San buried himself closer to the oldest feeling panic arise again, "I swear I didn't mean to run but you would have died, and I just, I saved you right? I did the tallies and-"

Seonghwa placed San's hand on his heart holding it there with both hands. 

"San, I'm fine. I'm right here, don't worry baby. You did good."

Despite running across the building to reach the dance studio, it took San a while before he was able to get up. By the time he felt comfortable standing on his own, Seonghwa made a phone call.

"Who was that to?"

Seonghwa smiled, "The manager cause someone is going home early."

San shook his head, "I'm good now though, I- I just had the vocal lesson left I can finish it."

Seonghwa looked at him in disbelief, "You want to go back in there with that asshole? I'll punch him if he even sets eyes on you again."

San laughed knowing that Seonghwa wasn't joking but felt his face fall into a frown when he realized Seonghwa was right; he didn't want to meet with that man again. San nodded and whispered a final,

"Fine, I'll go home."

Seonghwa hugged San again, "You know you are valid right, these are the demons you battle and a simple asshole isn't gonna know half of it. Although I don't know why the fuck he wasn't briefed, I'll talk to the company but I digress. Try not to feel guilty okay? If anything you have some time to catch up with Mingi."

San thought about Mingi and felt himself smile, "I guess a day off wouldn't be that bad, I haven't had the time to talk with him."

They both turned, hearing their manager knock on the studios door.

"Guess my ride is here," San hesitated before leaving, "Thank you Mars, love you seriously."

Seonghwa laughed as he replied, "Well I love you too - seriously.

"You're my little mountain."

**Author's Note:**

> i would love to have critics in the comments, and thank you for reading! I hope everyone has a great day/night.  
> Remember: YOU ARE LOVED AND VALUED :)


End file.
